Around 10 or 11 I went to the bathroom and just about collapsed with despair.
Just spotting? Nope, bleeding.
I'm not sure how long it continued for, and I was worried I'd be awake all night. Luckily I must've become too exhausted and had some sort of sleep. I didn't twist and turn in bed, for fear it would start it off. My mind was racing all night (well, it still is if I'm honest)... "what did I do to start this?", "not another miscarriage!", "I shouldn't have added it to my blog!", "this isn't fair," etc.
It's now heading towards midday and touch wood, I haven't bled this morning. I've been really lazy and have sat down all morning. I've sat on the internet googling to find answers to why I'm bleeding. I'm trying to convince myself that some of the reasons I've read are applicable to me ... but that's what you do isn't it? Play mind games in the hopes of making things feel better.
So there, that would be my twitter entry if I used it.
It's no fun and I'm far from out of the woods.
Considering I planned to blog this morning about good things like having a new computer; mentioning we participated in the bird count survey with Landcare Research; my attempt to keep up with reading the Bible; receiving Gamma and my big brother being back in New Zealand for a month to name but a few, that post has now gone out the window. My mind is only focused on one thing. A tad selfish, I know, but y'know, sometimes one has to wollow in self-pity. No doubt I'll snap out of it this afternoon and decide everything's back on track, but right this second, this is where I'm at.
Thanks for dropping by
ka kite ano