Friday, 20 July 2007

Halfway through 2007 already

Second Term was quite a flop in our household. My heart wasn't in it for a few personal reasons. Everything fell into the "too hard" basket. Try as I might to keep the momentum going, I failed miserably. I couldn't tell you the exact date we basically started our extended break, but let's just say it would have to have been over a month.

The week before the end of Term our entire family came down with a dreadful cold; one which lingered over a week. Then the school holidays arrived and I basically used that as my excuse not to continue with school.

Financial pressures reached an all-time high in May. To make matters worse, I discover the loss of our digital camera. This may sound selfish, but it threw me into quite a depressive mood. When you are accustomed to things being in the same spot day in and day out, they can go unnoticed but the day you go to use it and cannot find it, well, you start tearing the house apart. When you can't find it, your emotions kick in - the biggest emotion of all you have to deal with is anger. Angry because how did it disappear from right under my nose? Angry because I love taking photos but I cannot budget to buy another one for many months thanks to current circumstances.

With the pressures of daily survival reaching an all-time high, Daddy finally turned his back on his business. After more than a decade, Daddy is now an employee receiving a weekly wage and I couldn't be more happy. To add to that, I finally receive the Working for Families Tax Credit & In-Work Tax Credit (what was Family Assistance). The huge confidence this has given me is immeasurable. For six months I have had no income of my own which, on reflection, had a bigger impact on me emotionally than I ever thought possible. Now I get to look forward with a a slightly more positive attitude than I have had all year.

Speaking personally, I have been used to being independent, even in our relationship I have earned my own way. I realise now just how difficult I find living off one income. I haven't had to rely on anyone supporting me since I was a child. I have paid my own way since I was 17, so this has been a huge learning-curve for myself. I have had to learn how to graciously accept food, clothes etc from non-family members. I have also learned that it is best to share your troubles because one can become clouded with the emotional state of things that you need someone to help you see things more clearly.

We are far from out of the woods financially, but I have at least regained some confidence; interest; momentum to start the Third Term - well, I've at least got a better attitude than I had in the Second Term. There's still some yucky times ahead for Daddy and I to get through, but with a little bit of self-confidence returning, I feel school is now back to an interest rather than a burden.

And yes, I realise I needn't have shared this little post with the world, but I decided to use it as a form of cleansing. Soon enough our family will be out of this struggle, putting it to the past. This post is, in a sense, a start of that process. Many of us are faced with difficulties, but in order to change circumstances we must first acknowledge that difficulty, make the best choices to rectify those difficulties and look forward to when it will all become a part of our past.

Throughout all this exercise, our children are right here in the thrust of the whole sordid mess. I may not have sat down and taught reading, writing and arithmetics, but the children have gained one of the largest real-life lessons which I am quite sure will better them in their understandings of the big, wide world.

So here's to Term III and the second half of 2007.

My goal: Re-evaluate, Refocus, rekindle and reflect on what we achieve.

Thanks for dropping by
Ka kite ano